went away again on weekend to my dads 300klm away. hubg out with my brother and sisters 12 10 and 6. me and the girls did paintings on canvas. we had a big thunder storm. then i played menopaly with them. my hubby staed home from work today. im feeling ok

i am in a down tied depressed mood. seen my phycologist tue yesterday. ive been seening him for 1 year now once a fortnight every 2 weeks. ive had about 20 sessions. i have 2 left. he siad what do you want to talk about or do you have any questions. i just said well there is no pint going into any thing because we only have 2 sessions left and its not really enough to get in to any thing. so because i said that i got wiped off. he said well to day can be our last session and that because you have 2 more left if you need to see me just ring me and you can come. i can never work them out. he wrote up a letter to my phychitrice that hes finishing with me and that to continue with him because hes more help. but dose it ever cross there mind that i dont want hime to fix my anxiety its impossible and he cant help me with the hole cyclothimia thing its not his area. and that i jaut want some one to talk to to just justen they dont have to do any thing no notes just listen.so i feel sad in a way. whos to understand now. who im to talk to now. apart from on here. and my hubby. but i cant unload on him all the time its not fear. he needs a break every now and then i know im just blarhhhhing on

coming off a high from wed and thu last week by fri arvo i was trashed couldnt even stay awak. i tryed so hard because we was going to auntys for dinner. so had a snooz in arvo to get me though to the night. and i had to just keep going even though the depressed mode was hanging over my head just waiting for me to fully fall. had a party sat night and sleped at my friends house so i could drink. sso i wasnt going to let this depressed mode jump on me just yet i tryed so had to delay it at same time and my phycologist tells me off for this because i run a marothon and then another one in a row and then when it hits me it hits me 10 times as hard. but its a habbit. and i really wanted to enjoy my weekend. but im suffering now stuck on the coutch. i am being positive though i know in my mind it will pass but it is a pain. im just restting up and recovering to get my normal mood back. i think late nights and taking my meds at all different times dosnt help but ya just cant help it some times when ya out. just have to do ya best. but ive gotten them back to to right time now. so thats plobably contributed to my mood shift.

yesterday and to day seem to be feeling more on the high side of things. gym in the morrning and then work came home and did things around the house didnt sit down till hubby got home from work and made him home made veg soup that was yesterday. last night our hot water system decided to play up the vaulve has gone on it so no hot water because we have to turn the water off so its not constantly running wasting water and putting our bill through the roof. but this to day i needed a shower because was catching up with cousin for coffee. so hubby showed me how to turn tap off before shower and turn tap off after shower. then after all that my cousin canceled on me. so i still went out bought new runners and new gym pans with my tax money i got back. and caught up with the mother inlaw for coffee on her way home from work. so i have all this energy and running out of what to do with it. but theres always a down fall for me after being on a high i go depressed so hopping it dosnt kick in soon. its like i want to do somthing conctintly not stopping go go go. and if im home i dont want to go home i want to stay out and have fun.

well finaly he says we can up one of my mood stabilizers the epilem its just a little low in my blood. and then it should be right. the tegratol mood stabilizer is just a bit over but hes happy with how much of that thats in my system. and he uped my zoloft. got to have more bloods done in a week to check the level of meds im my system. i think it will be fine my mood stabilizers. ib been waiting 10 weeks for him to up the one that was low. things have been ok. i did tell him how angery i got sunday night because my husbands irritated me that bad i felt like i wanted to stab him not that i would. and then after that i got upset so i had a very fast emotional mood shift. i just said to the pdoc that i now its just part of it feeling like that. and i told him about how i have a silent vioce in my head but its my own vioce. its silent but just not in my head and it trys dominating over my loud reality vioce that speacks out alowd if that makes sence.i asked is that normal he said no its not. he said as long as i dont start hearing vioces out side my head then thats even worse he said. but apart from that i do think i have come a long way from where i was. some days it dose feel like 5 steps foward 3 steps back. but there just the bad days.